My Bottom Line

My Bottom Line

The sun came to Ballarat and G was singing. A few things happened in between like a bowel movement. In bed. I think this is the new normal. And I can do it. And G is no longer ashamed and humiliated. It is what it is. It is manageable with the special disposable pull up pants and it is another reality of caring for the dying and especially when it is a long slow process to the end.

‘We support your decision to put him in a Nursing Home, whenever that may be’, said his family.

‘When I have to toilet him in bed’, I answered.

Everyone understands about that.

It was my bottom line and I drew it thick with conviction.

But I amaze myself. I didn’t think I could care this much. I did not think my natural fastidiousness could be conquered to this extent.

I pull on his tracksuit pants as if he were a doll, his legs are so inert. We did the transfer from bed to wheelchair. I started the washing up and he wheeled himself to his spot at the table and then I heard him singing He organized his pencils and pens for drawing. And then he coloured them in and his attention to detail, his industry was soothing for us both. The sun continued to shine, a friend called in with treats, I chatted to my sister on the phone and had a long conversation with my daughter. And I’m OK. I had a lovely dream. Someone (who looked like Noel Ferrier) kissed me with a soft lingering kiss. I was loved.  I knew I was not weak but strong. My daughter will go to Buenos Aires with me to bring home my son when he is well enough.His treatment in the Spanish speaking hospital will begin soon. The necessary paperwork from Melbourne is sitting at the beginning of the pipeline and will begin to flow after the weekend. I have done all I can. I feel light and emptied of that worry. It is always possible he will get worse while in this limbo between being held in an emergency department and a bed in a private clinic . But for the moment we have calm. What a mess! What a cleanup. Get The Cleaner from Pulp Fiction quick!

Today is another sunny day. G is still asleep. Lets hope it is a good day. Thankyou my dear readers for following me. You shower me in grace.

2 thoughts on “My Bottom Line

  1. You have moved us from cleaning up in bed to a sunny scene of creative industry in a matter of paragraphs and both infused with love. You are practising living in the moment and gratitude rivalling any spiritual guru. X


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